a witch's odd fascination
by BeautifulHalfBlood
Summary: He's always had a weird fascination with knives. It's one of his better quirks, compared to constant demon hunting, paranoia, or night terrors, but that doesn't make it any less clear to him, or his family, as to why he's fascinated by knifes. introspective Chris fic


**Warnings:** implied self-harm, mention of torture, mentions of canon character death in past tense  
 **Characters:** Chris Halliwell; mentions of Wyatt Halliwell, Melinda Halliwell, Piper Halliwell, and Bianca

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Chris has an odd fascination with knives. It'd worried his family, until it became clear that it was just one of those 'Chris' things, like his tendency to behave eerily similar to a literal cat. Then it just became another odd thing you could see around Halliwell Manor.

If asked why they fascinated him, he wouldn't know how to respond. Sometimes he thought it was a way to reclaim the way they'd been used on him. Memories of a world that no longer existed, scars on his arms that could never be healed by a Whitelighter, demons who seemed to think that dragging a knife down his chest would make him tell every weakness of his family without a second of doubt.

(If his family knew any of that, they'd immediately be worried about it again. They worry a lot, Chris thinks, but it's comforting. He remembers a world where everyone he loved was dead or changed so much that they might as well been dead. He remembers the past where his family hated him and he realized they only loved him because they had to, because that was his only explanation. (He still believes that, for his parents and his aunts. His siblings and his cousins and everyone else, part of him still thinks that without blood or gratefulness, they'd never stand him. The other part thinks that's a lie.) A world where they tend to hover, tend to pay careful attention when one slight thing is off, is new to him. But when he wakes up at night, a scream caught in his throat, the dead eyes of his youngest cousin, his aunt, his godfather, his mother burned into his mind… He thinks that he prefers this world, even if they are a bit overprotective at times. (Sometimes, his father projects his thoughts without meaning to and Chris hears the words, ' _already lost him once, can't lose him again_ ,' and they always confuse him because he can't decide his thoughts on that. Time travel is a pain in the ass.))

He considers the possibility that his fascination comes from his family, just twisted a bit to fit him. (That describes a lot of things about him, he thinks. His family's loyalty, twisted to the extent that he'd destroy one world and himself for them. They call it saving, but he still wonders what happened to them, to the angry hurt girl he once called sister. He sees bits of her in Melinda at times, but his sister in this world still has a good heart, even if she has an acid tongue. He thinks that he may have killed the rest of his family himself, but he never lets himself think on that. He's afraid that he may do something stupid. He did travel through time to change history after all.)

His father and his aunt are both knowledgeable in using a sword. Neither enjoy telling how they know, skimming over it. (Chris already knows. He knows a lot of things his family wishes he didn't. He'll let them keep their regrets private, of time trapped on an island away from the wife he chose to leave, of the man she thought was her true love only for them to destroy one another in the end.) Wyatt obviously is, swinging Excalibur around to make their youngest cousin giggle at his ridiculousness. (Chris can only be silently thankful that no one sees him slip from the room each time, doesn't see him orb to his room to drop to his knees and gag as memories of a brother with the same sword overwhelm him. He gets over it, slowly.)

Swords bother him. He's more speed, flexibility, agility, and swords weigh him down. It doesn't help that he always feel off balance with one. With knifes, all he had to do was pick one up and it felt right. (Personally, he also finds them much more versatile. With a knife, you can get in close to fight or be far away and throw it.) He considers that his family just likes blades, but he's pretty sure that's mostly just him projecting.

Despite the oddness of it, Chris sometimes connects knifes with safety, with home. (He's pretty sure his family has good reason to worry, if this is how his mind works.) Wyatt doesn't use a knife, doesn't really know how to, admittedly. Instead, it's Excalibur in his hand as they spar back and forth across a spare room in Magic School. (His brother's laughter and playful teasing eases more memories of that sword than anything else does.) When a demon somehow managed to temporarily bind his mother's powers, tried to kill them both, his mother snatched up a knife after he knocked Chris halfway across the room. (He planned a Charmed One attacking him with her powers, but he didn't plan a protective mother stabbing him through the chest.) A member of his girlfriend's former coven breaks into his apartment, steals his girlfriend's powers, and shoots him with a Darklighter arrow. (More and more demons and beings are getting Darklighter poison and Chris isn't a fan. He gets shot enough as is.) Bianca fights him to a standstill with nothing but a knife and her own fury. (Chris falls in love with her all over again.)

There are many reasons that may be behind Chris's fascination with knives. He can't say if they're right or not, unsure if he wants to try to figure it out. But Chris has odder quirks than a love for knifes and his family has long since stopped questioning it. They silently understand the best they can, content to let him keep his reasons behind his fascination to himself. He can't decide if that's good or not. He's not sure if he wants to.

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 **Author's Note:** I hate the length of this, because it's in that in between zone where it's not short or long enough for me, but here we are. Also, this references several headcanons of mine for Chris and the Halliwell family in general. In case you're curious, they are: Chris is a telepath, Chris's mental health is shit, he self harmed as a teenager (and his family doesn't find out until literally years after he stopped), Melinda existed in the unchanged future (which, yeah, makes no canon sense, but with the amount of OC Halliwell siblings on here, I don't care), and Chris and Bianca ended up together in the changed future (because I love them and I love them together). Oh, and obviously (how did I forget this one?), Chris has a weird fascination with knives. Anyways, hopefully someone likes this fic (and leaves a few reviews? I really love them and they make my dayyyy!) and I will hopefully start posting more Charmed fics again. (Fun fact: I have a Forever Charmed-based fic with Chris and Coop that I wrote in October, but haven't edited. I didn't edit this one either, but that's more permissible, because it's more of a stream of thoughts thing. Once I edit that fic (or die trying, it can go either way with editing), I'll post it here! So keep a lookout for it, because it hopefully will show up in the next ten months! (Look, I hate editing, okay, I have edited like one fic posted on here... and there's still an error in it. *pokes Henry Danger fic* Dammit.) ANYWAY, to the point, I should hopefully be posting more fics!) Thanks so much for reading and please make sure to favorite or review it to tell me what you think! I'm always up for prompts, especially for Chris and the next generation, so feel free to drop that (or some constructive criticism) down below. Thanks!


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